Ninjas Cutting Onions

Frequently asked questions

What does “ninjas cutting onions” mean?

“Ninjas cutting onions” is a slang term, usually used by grown men when they cry while watching something tear jerking such as a romantic video or a sad movie scene. In cultures that perpetuate toxic masculinity, men have no permission to show feelings other than rage. The term is often used to condone “manly tears” in such cultures. By using this term, the crying man falsely ascribes his tears to an invisible ninja cutting onions near him. He is able to do so without raising any eye brows as ninjas are known to be very stealthy and can very easily avoid detection.

Common variants of the term include:

What does all that have to do with this website?

Not a thing.

What in god’s green earth is this website then?

Ninjas Cutting Onions is a weird and utterly pointless website. All it does is show some onion slices flying across the screen.

Why does this website even exist?

Why do you exist? Do people have a right to be happy or should they earn their happiness? What is the answer to life, the universe and everything? These are existential questions and this is not the appropriate forum to answer any of those.

I don’t think you understand the term “existential questions” correctly.

No? I don’t think you understand what “frequently asked questions” means.

Why are there no ninjas on this website?

This is a commonly held misconception. The colour scheme of this website is partly responsible for your inability to see the ninjas. As already mentioned before, ninjas are famously known to be super stealthy. There could be a ninja right in front of you and you wouldn’t even know. Even if you look closely you will not notice them on this website, unless you have an active imagination.

There are no actual ninjas on this website, are there?

Yes, there are. This website prominently features ninjas. There are at least three ninjas who are actively cutting onions. Another ninja is assisting the three by providing and endless supply of onions. A fifth ninja is tasked with disposing the sliced onions. Two more ninjas are on duty to maintain stealth during the entire exercise. Thus, at any point of time, there are at least seven ninjas on this website. The ninjas are working hard, slicing onions non-stop.

Why are they cutting onions?

For a salad.

Why are they cutting onions non-stop?

To ensure that the supply of sliced onions never ends.

Who eats all the sliced onions?

I eat the sliced onions with my coffee. You can buy me some coffee here.

Is there anything else I need to know?

No, but if you have more questions you can contact me by emailing me at heartixa[at]gmail[dot]com.